Ever wonder what it takes to be a good actor?

Well, breaking up with someone but not letting anyone know is a hell of a way to put your acting skills to the test.
Boiling emotions, ready to break the edge and pour out, the desire to break down, curl up, and wish you hadn't taken that step, that risk, that change, but yet knowing that you did what you had to because otherwise, you would still be standing there on the ledge no longer knowing where.

But, then being able to go out, hang with friends, chat, have lunch, and not display if anything was different. And to add to it all, having them around, and they too feeling similarly..... it's like a reverse romeo and juliet where both could easily just die.

But then, in a moment alone, reading a note they dropped on your table, with a momento from when you first began together the journey, the waterfalls cascading down the pitted surface you call a face, is a difficult way to start a morning, especially when you are running on a tight schedule, and have to try to drive not distracted at 80km/h....

And then, someone you really wish you could talk to, you know you can't, and it appears that they just have this massive wall you can't face, climb over, break... but you know they aren't abandoning you.... or so they say, since, you don't know if they will ever say hello again, and by being that person you are, say that you won't break your promise, then it just is another thing to bring you down to your knees.

When you have armour plating over your mind, soul heart, and then all this, it isn't hard to build it up some more, upgrade from stainless to titanium alloy, and see where it all leads you.

I guess what makes it even stranger, harder, weirder, is that when they had the end of their relationship, you were there to listen and talk, but with your own, they aren't there to listen and talk.... it's almost like it is being unfair....

I probably also have some physical symptoms, like this pain on the right side of my ribs, it's been there since when the event occured..... perhaps I won't get it looked at ever, and it can be the reminder of the foolishness that I partook myself into.


I wonder if I will survive long enough to say hello again.
Ever look at yourself, and realise you might be bipolar? Those ups, downs, but not really anything in between? The swings of moods, the perculiarities? Who knows, I certainly do not wish to take the step to self diagnose, or let a professional do the work either. Medications are not my thing, besices, since I Have survived thus far, it is probably not even a significant case if I was.

Well, at least my characters get to die, Albere died twice today, being the honourable person that he was....